Real Life

Because of Alegra doing a vlog of our family, I really don't need to post too much on this blog.   Every now and then, I get a hankering to write what I'm feeling and being guided in.  So, here it is.  My life as of late.  My real, not perfect family vlog material, struggles in life. 

We all want everyone to see our best and can usually get by with that happening.  It's easier to fake happiness and success than truly let others see what's going on.  Some people have no problem showing others all their drama, but not me.  I like to look like I have it all together.  I have the perfect big family, who are home schooled, always get along, my husband is always perfect, we never bicker, and there isn't a day that goes by that I feel down.  REAL LIFE isn't like that. 

I'm finally feeling like I have a grasp of my life right now, this week.  You see, a couple weeks back, I had a break down, full on anxiety attack, couldn't control my thoughts kinda situation.  My husband held me while I cried, sang worship music at my request before bed to help calm me, and I'm sure spent time in prayer while driving around for work.  Does this look perfect?  No.  But it was real life for me.  There were several things that set me off- finances, sickness in family, marriages falling apart, children struggling, and not feeling secure in where life is at for our family right now.  What???  How could I feel that way when my little family seems so perfect? 

Real life.  It took me a good couple weeks to finally break out of the horrible pit in my stomach and tightness in my chest at any random thought of uncertainty.  If my strength comes from God then why am I so unstable feeling?  I blamed spiritual warfare, fear, and worry.  I'd say all three played a part.  If I were to say that all of life is perfect for me, I'd be fake.  If I were to say that I hold myself together always, I'd be fake.  If I were to say that I don't struggle with my husband and children, well, more fakeness. 

We all have struggles and real life happenings.  Don't be so ashamed or proud that you can't let those struggles show some, to allow others to help you.  Don't feel like you'll never have things right.  Well, you might be right on that one, but how do we choose to handle not having things right all the time is the key.  Do we remember that God truly does care for us and takes care of our every need?  Do we know that He provides what we need not what we want or even think we need?  In the moments of darkness He will show Himself.  He will remind you that He is near.  He will remind you that He wants you to just trust Him if you'll let Him be in control.  Control.  Boy isn't that a tough one.  When I can't keep things under control or some situations are completely out of my control, but they still affect me and my heart, that's really hard for me.  Am I remembering that He holds the world in His hands and has all things in place just where He wants them? 

Oh, the lessons.  Oh, the hardships.  Oh, how He loves you and me.  Real life.  Don't feel ashamed of your struggles.  Pick yourself up and take one step forward, then another, until you're out of that pit.  It's not a fun place to be in.  Sometimes the enemy uses it to really mess some BIG plans up.  Take charge of letting God win the victory in your life.  It takes some effort sometimes to let Him have His way.  It's totally worth it though. 

Real life.  It can stink.  It can be hard.  It can cause lots of questioning of why.  It can make us proud.  It can make us fake.  It can break us.  In the brokenness, let it cause us to get up and press forward til we reach the next step.  Even if that next step is saying "yes" to something that seemed so difficult to do.  We all have struggles.  Don't be fake to hide them.  Be real and reach out for encouragement.  Share your real life experiences with someone else who just might need to know that it's ok and that nobody has a perfect life.

SEAL- Word of the year.

I don't usually do the word of the year that I've been reading about people doing.  I am always intrigued though by what people pick.  Lately I've had a couple words come to my mind and keep being brought forth to my thinking.  The words are WRESTLE and SEAL.  I've been studying these a bit the last couple days and here are my quick thoughts on it.  I do want to keep the word SEAL as a word that I continue to reflect on this year.  I know it's not a typical word that I hear mentioned, but there is something in it for me, and I want to find out what the Father is trying to show me.

Most of us know the story of Jacob in Genesis 32:22 where he wrestled with someone until he received the blessing he was hoping for.  There are many different ideas on who he wrestled but the Scriptures mention God.  One interpretation is that he literally wrestled with God, hence getting the name Israel, which means "one who struggles with God".  "Struggles with God" doesn't seem like a positive thing to do.  As I studied and as I look at my life and how I walk out my faith, I'm seeing that it is a healthy thing to struggle or wrestle with God. 

At one point in the story, Jacob was not going to let go of the person until he received the blessing.  When two people wrestle there is always contact of some kind, whether it's their whole body or even just parts like legs, arms, shoulders, etc.  Jacob did not allow separation of their bodies until the blessing was received.  His wrestling was essentially the SEAL.  His wrestling was the seal before the blessing.  Future blessing, the promised land, could not be separated from the struggle that they went through to get there.  There was struggle before the blessing.

In Job 41:15&16 it says, "Its back has rows of shields tightly sealed together; each is so close to the next that no air can pass between."  No air can pass through because of the seal.  They are tightly together.  When two people wrestle they are tightly together.  When we wrestle with God, we should be tightly together with Him seeking to know Him more and seeking to understand His Word more.  We are so tight with Him that no air can even pass between us.  That's the seal.  As we wrestle with God a seal forms, never to be broken.  It draws us closer to Him.  It blocks out germs, evil, and untruths. 

Why do we think that we must be confident in the Scriptures and have answers to everything?  Wrestling with God in the Word seals us for blessing ahead.  Seeking the truth of His Word, wrestling with what it says, with what He's speaking to us that our flesh wants to ignore, is showing our love to Him.  Isaiah 8:16 says, "Bind up the testimony, seal the law among my disciples."  I can picture wrestlers getting bound up together as they wrestle.  Bind up the testimony.  Wrestle with it.  Study it.  Prove it over and over from one portion to another, and as that happens, the seal that takes place will be the law among His disciples written on their hearts in love.

He wants us to give all of ourselves to Him.  If that means wrestling what He's trying to teach us or with what His Word really says, than that's what He wants.  He will not stop putting things in front of us until He has all of us.  He will not stop pursuing us until He has all of us.  He will not stop.

This song has touched me and spoken to me and caused me to pursue my search on what Yahweh wants me to see in this word SEAL.  I hope it blesses you and encourages you to give it all to Him.  Let Him seal you, so nothing comes between you and the Father.   You Won't Relent by Jesus Culture

Time on Earth

"Work on your relationship with God, and everything else will fall into place."

  

That's the biggest word that stuck out to me when we attended the Your Life Speaks event in Topeka, IN, where Nathan Harmon shared with many youth groups his struggles when he was younger and where his hope came from to be freed from drugs, alcohol, self harm, and suicidal thoughts.  What a powerful testimony to youth of focusing on God, and when doing that, their life will fall in line as they seek HIM and HIS plan for them.  So much that night spoke to me as a part of my journey that I've been going through over the last year.

We are given so much time, here on earth, to live out our purpose.  Are we actively pursuing God's plan for us or our own?  What if His plan looks different than ours?  I've been pondering thoughts for a couple months, trying to sort them all out and piece them back together.  Focus on God, and He will make the negative and bad flee and will rise up the good and blessings as we draw closer to Him.  If you're struggling with alcohol, don't strive to not drink.  Strive daily to become closer to God and serve Him, and He will take the urge away as you are drawing closer to Him.  You become filled with His goodness instead of the desires within your flesh.  It can apply to many areas of life.  HE can fill voids, bring healing, and strengthen areas that have room for improvement all by focusing on Him.  That takes life out of our hands and puts it into His, which is where He desires each of us to be. 

 We all know that there is strength in numbers.  What if we actively pursue Him in numbers.  Even if it's just within our family?  Do husbands and wives pursue God's calling as a couple?  Do parents pursue God's calling for their children?  Might sound strange, but let me explain.  If we see a gift or talent that our children have that can be used for the kingdom, shouldn't we encourage and help them pursue that as a way to minister to others?  Instead we let them experience many things, that they choose they want to do, and we bounce around from activity to activity, outside the family unit, with parents separated trying to support each child.  Separation.  That's what the enemy loves in a family and uses for his purpose.  When a family isn't keeping God focused, then it allows the enemy to creep in and steal peace, faith, joy, contentment, a bond, and many other things.  Are we pressing toward the mark of the higher calling or pressing toward our own mark?  Are we teaching them to press toward the higher calling or their own satisfaction and achievements?  I love seeing youth serving together and ministering together.  In our family, we've incorporated our gifts into ministry as a family.  Some of us do music, give food, send encouraging cards, plan kid's activities, etc.  We all work together at serving.  We take our children along and be the example of  serving in our gifts.  This keeps the family together, pressing toward the higher calling and seeing results of our faithfulness to God.  Such a greater reward than personal achievements. 

Don't misunderstand me.  If God is calling you or your child to a particular activity, then He must want to use you in that area.  Don't get caught up in your or your child's glory and successes, but stay focused on God's plan.  God has recently been showing me this in my own life.  When I reach out to a lady that I know I can encourage, what do I do when she doesn't respond to me or rejects me?  Do I go cry, because she doesn't want to be my friend?  The Father has opened my eyes and mind in keeping my response focused on His plan.  If God's plan is to use me in her life, then I want to pursue her.  If His plan is to use someone else, then I need to step aside without sulking and feeling rejection and allow someone else to be obedient to what He wants them to do.  I don't want to waste time and energy on having a pity party for myself.  When we put the focus on ourselves, it's completely taken off of Him and becomes our plan, our agenda, our purpose, and our own desires.  Don't let those get in the way of living out HIS plan. 

We are finding that as we serve alongside our children, we are teaching them respect for others, team work, putting others first, real life pain and struggles that we can help and pray people through, how to serve as one body, putting aside personal beliefs and/or opinions.  When we serve together as a couple, we are finding that we are growing together beyond what we imagined.  We are finding that the bond of marriage grows stronger, not allowing room for the enemy to creep in.  The areas that we longed to be changed in the other, just naturally does because God is our focus, and HE is changing that within us as our relationship with HIM grows. 

The song that says, "You won't relent until You, have it all", rings within my mind and heart as I desire to turn it around and express to Him that I won't relent loving Him until I've reached the mark.  As we've been in more and more contact with hurting people needing and wanting change, we know we can't stop running after His plan, because what if He wants to use us to reach one more person we can pull out of the enemy's pit of drugs, alcohol, suicidal thoughts, stress from the demands of life and being successful, and every day struggles of being a faithful follower of Jesus.  We don't want to miss it!!!

Our family isn't perfect!  We are still learning, being disciplined, growing, and hopefully taking strides forward of making changes for the good.  Some things that we've chosen to make a regular part of our lives are:

~Family worship
~Discussing Scripture (even if it's one verse)
~Pray blessings over the children every night
~Encourage open eyes to see who needs help
~Not forgetting the importance of the elderly
~Using gifts to bless others (even when it's uncomfortable)
~Expressing daily what we are thankful for

I want to encourage you to serve together as a family.  Decide what you want your family to represent to those around you, then set out to live that way, bringing your children up with hearts focused on serving and loving in that manner.  Here are some ways you can do that, teaching, instructing, and serving alongside your spouse and children:

~Make and send cards to the sick or shut ins
~Prepare and deliver food to someone with a health challenge, new parents, or elderly
~Volunteer to watch a single mom's children
~Visit a nursing home
~Help at a homeless shelter or food bank
~Collect coats for a winter coat drive
~Rake leaves for someone
~Shovel snow for someone
~Be friendly to neighbors
~Smile at everyone you make eye contact with
~Pray together for certain needs and watch them be answered
~Walk your neighborhood as a family and pray for those who live in each home
~Talk over the dinner table of ways you served or encouraged that day. 

Maybe you can use some of these ideas in your own family or come up with others that fit your family and where you are at in your journey.  As Christ followers we can get so complacent in our every day life that we miss the real battle going on for each soul out there.  It's real.  No matter how much we go to church, read our Bible, pray before every meal and at bedtime, or sing a hymn or chorus in praise, there is still a battle to take over the souls that are doing that.  The fight is real.  Take it seriously, brothers and sisters.  We wrestle not with flesh and blood but against principalities.  It takes numbers to fight for each other.  It takes intentional living at following God's plan to have victory over sin and darkness.  Won't you join us?  Won't you step your faith up a notch and get out of your comfort zone to reach the hurting and broken, or to reach those that HE is calling you to reach?  Maybe it's the widow next door.  Maybe it's the orphan child that lives with grandparents.  Maybe it's a couple from church that needs encouragement.  Maybe it's the drunkard within your own family.  Maybe it's your children that need to have the continued teaching and example of godly living.  It doesn't matter who it is!  Be warriors and fight the battle with boldness, with His strength, with relentless love for the Almighty, the Creator of all human kind and with love for all people. 

All of the photos were taken at the community event with Your Life Speaks and the Night of Community Worship at Prairie Heights.  Our family has been ever so blessed to be a part of both of these events.  Reaching out and serving our community in the giftings He's blessed us with to bless Him and others.

And the Trumpet shall sound

Sometimes we go into feast days/weeks prepared and ready for all that the Father has for us, and other times, we go into them unprepared and just barely being ready to participate.  This year we didn't feel entirely prepared but open to what He wanted to show us through it.  Our hearts have been preparing but last minute preparations and gathering everyone up sometimes gets me. 

We usually celebrate the Feast of Trumpets with City on a Hill in Sturgis.  They start with a Mikvah (baptism) service, then continue celebrating at the house with food, dance, and games.  We've been going through such an amazing time spiritually right now, we were ready for whatever He wanted.  We went to the Mikvah not feeling the need to participate, but once I got there, I felt this huge urge to go into the water.  I typically prefer doing it with my husband's covering alongside me, but he wasn't planning on doing it, so I thought I'd just let it be.  Then Benaiah nudged him and said he wanted to to start a new chapter.  Then Alegra went to him and asked if he was going to because she felt like she needed to.  Sooo, right away I said, "Yeah, I'm supposed to also".  We often times think of baptism as being a one and done kind of thing, but Peter said, "Repent and be baptized".  We are continuously repenting for sins, sometimes daily, so why would it mean that we would only need baptized once.  We can often times think that it's just for making the decision to walk in faith, believing in Jesus as Saviour, and publicly demonstrating that through being immersed in water.  A mikvah was done for that and also for a renewing, cleansing, starting over, etc of life.  It also wasn't necessarily done with one person dunking another into the water but with a witness to their profession and action.     

 We started the time off with worship, then began taking turns, sharing why we decided to participate, then entered the water.  

 Some entered by themselves...

 Some entered as a family...

 Some entered as a first time profession of wrong in their life and wanting to be made new...

 Some entered, wanting to wash away the old and start over with whatever Yahweh has for them...

For me, I entered to continue my journey forward of walking and living for Him.  My spiritual growth has been so great this past year, but I know that there are things that are holding me back, that I'm not letting go of, that need to be gone in order for me to move forward in my growth and in serving and helping others.  I entered to be washed of those things that are holding me back.  I entered to be made clean, becoming wholly devoted to Him and the work He is calling me to for His kingdom.  

When someone finishes, the shofars blow, while some shout and cheer in joy of the cleansing that takes place in each heart.

The rest of the evening continues with food, fun, games, dance, and lots of fellowship.  It's all a reminder of when He will return, coming for us, His bride.  I want to be ready.  I want to be made new, clean and pure for my groom.  I rejoice that He will be coming one day for me.

Leviticus 23 speaks of the command to observe this feast.
Matt. 24 speaks of His return.
1 Thess 4 speaks of His return.

Joy in the Journey

 
      For the last couple weeks, I've had on my mind to write a post about my own personal journey in the last year.  Somehow, time goes by, I don't have time to sit down and think on it, and then a few weeks have passed by.  I  suppose I've not wanted to write something, because I wanted to make sure all my thoughts were together before I started, so I didn't miss something.  Since I've been working in the garden so much lately, I've gathered lots of thoughts while I work.

      Let's start with the fact that I'm a busy mom.  I home school 5 children, keep the 6th child out of everyone's stuff and the cupboards, am a housewife who tries to prepare healthy meals and keep everyone in clean clothes, I'm the doctor, the cleaning lady, the teacher, the gardener, the cow midwife for the farmer, the encourager, the tear wiper, the bottom wiper, the prayer warrior, the discipliner, the singer, the plan maker with friends and family, and the one who keeps all things organized around here.  At times it feels like a heavy task and other times it feels like I couldn't possibly add one more thing to my list.

      I'm sure if you're a mom, you can relate to the above, whether your life matches up perfectly with mine or not.  Being a mom is just plain a tough job. This year during the Feast of Unleavened Bread, I was writing out what sins I needed cleansed from and what I could do to replace and clean up those areas and the verses that spoke to my heart during the week long feast (this is a family tradition that we do every year).  As I was looking over my paper from last year, I realized that I had written out a verse about JOY.  It hit me that last year, I was struggling with not having joy in my life.  As I sat there and thought about it, I rejoiced in the fact that I felt like joy had been restored into my life.  It's so easy as a mom to get bogged down with life, children, activities, and expectations of others, that joy can slip right out of the heart and float off into the atmosphere without one even noticing it.

   
      What have I done that's changed that?  I still do all the things listed above, so how did that change for me?  I began being grateful for the big things, the little things, and even the things that may not have happened that God was sparing me from.  Gratitude filled my heart and I began focusing on that more.  It's still a journey to keep a thankful heart about all things, but baby steps will accomplish a huge heart change when practiced consistently.  The other thing I began doing was praying out loud with fervent, intentional, and diligent prayers.  I wasn't interested in the religious wording or sounding holy and perfect.  I began crying out to the Father in prayer with a raw and exposed heart, longing for Him to hear me and expecting Him to answer how He saw best.  This changed me even more.  There is something so special about taking time to communicate to the Master of the Universe with expectations of change.  I've seen more prayers answered since pouring my heart out to Him, than I have in a long time.  Just be real.

      Over winter we spent a couple weeks in Florida, feeling the warm sun and rejuvenating our minds to come home.  I was reading Lisa Bevere's book Lioness Arising, and had a total transformation of thinking.  Her book focuses on women and becoming who we are to be in comparison to a lioness.  By the end of the book, I knew I needed to get out of my comfort zone and reach out to women.  You may not know me if you're reading this, or you may have known me for 1 year or 15 years.  I've never been one to lead conversations or even care about throwing in my input.  I'm usually quite content to just sit and listen to everyone else talk.  I knew that God wanted me to get out of that thinking and become who HE wants me to be, so I can be of use to Him.

      Don't get me wrong, a quiet person can be used for His kingdom, but He wanted more of me.  He wanted me to ditch what and who I thought I was and become a clay vessel that He molded me into.  A vessel that could give food to the hungry, water to the thirsty, and hope to the lost.  How could I do that if I always just relied on my husband to carry conversations?  How could I do that if I was more likely to sit in the corner with my children, so I didn't have to engage with others?  How could I do that if I was unwilling to go places, afraid to talk to people that I could tell needed a listening ear, and afraid to say words that needed said to help someone heal?

      Fear can so easily overtake a person in many ways.  It can cause you to worry about what others think or say about you.  It can cause you to sit back and avoid conversations so you aren't uncomfortable.  It can cause you to think that you have nothing to give and that you  just aren't the type of person who can be a friend or speak life into someone.  Fear lies.  Fear causes a person to think that they can't do something.  Fear molds a person into what it wants them to be- a scaredy cat.

      In all of my searching and growing, I've realized that fear is just a tool of the enemy.  It's a tool to make me believe that I can't get out and be a light.  It's a tool that makes me think that I'm of no use to the lady sitting in the corner with her children.  It's a tool that has drug many women down in making them think that they just aren't the sociable type.  If you thought you could get out and be a light, you could minister to that lonely woman in the corner with all the children crawling on her, and that you are sociable and can encourage many people with your words and actions, fear would be stomped out.  You could live a whole and complete life, serving, doing, speaking, and accomplishing great things in the lives of those hurting.

      When I think about what He has called us to do here on earth, it's not sit in my corner and mope about my tired, busy mama life.  It's get up, go to, speak up, walk through, reach out, and pray with those who need a little hope in their life.  If you feel like you just can't be sociable and engaging, take a look at what you might be afraid of.  Take a look at what God created us for.  Take a look at the world around you and see how much hurt there is.  Even if you just step over to that lonely mama in the corner, you will have taken the first step in not letting fear rule your life.  Be encouraged sister that HE has greater  plans for you to overcome your fear and minister to those around you.  Be encouraged that HE wants you to live a whole and complete life not in the corner, but in the center of the room, praying over everyone that fills the corners. :)